Hurt is something that is quite generalised in what we perceive it to be.  There are so many different types of hurt that we experience such as physical pain and mental anguish and every time feel different, even if it is the same thing over and over again.  We cry, we withdraw and we even wince; but 99% of the time we manage to heal.  How we do this is also different, as there are many different things in life that make us hurt.  The more I think the more I can't help but wonder; what is the best way to deal with hurt and is it as easy as 'cut, stitch, and close’?

It has been a while which means that there are quite a few things going on with me and yes, I have been hurting in some form or another for quite some time.  Some things I have closed, some things are still open, and some are still weeping and just waiting for the required action in order to make it better once again.

Working as an AE has been a thrilling and turbulent ride.  There's the added stress, longer hours, more needy customers and a lot more responsibility.  At first I felt a lot of hurt not knowing whether I was going to be able to pull off such a position the way I know how to.  Over the past 4 and a half months I have managed to surpass expectations and do the job well, but the added pressure and stress does take its toll.  In the end it's been quite simple; do the job, get results and then forget about it when I go home.  See, it's that simple; Cut, Stitch, Close.

Lately as some of you know I have had quite a time when it comes to my health.  First was the bout of Tonsillitis which had me off work for a few days, managed to bounce back from that rather quickly thanks to some great antibiotics but now as it seems, with some added stress, I have managed to come down with a nasty case of Shingles.  It hurts! The welts on my face, the incessant itching and the stinging pain, fever and downright crap that I am feeling.  The antibiotics seem to be doing the trick, although it hasn't stopped the urge for me to scratch my ear off completely. Cut, Stitch, Close.

Emotionally things have been rather up and down over the past month or so.  I have found myself getting rather lonely (I have my friends who are great, but sometimes it's just different) and missing more and more each day what I have craved for so long; to be reunited with The_One.  It hurts inside when I think that I am not going to get that chance, I have found myself unable to try building a relationship with anyone else because he's always in the back of my mind as coming back and wanting to take me home. Cut...

Recently I have had to sit and think about this cut, why it's hurting so much and I feel like it's a gaping wound that will never be fixed.  I begin to wonder if we are able to be just friends.  Last time it was Cut, Close, no stitching necessary, just close it out and it was done. It was painful, but easier.  I didn't have to see, hear or even watch what was going on as I didn't have it in my face as a constant reminder of what I had lost.  The hurt was still there, but I managed to close it off completely and over time the pain went away, with help the pieces were put back in their place and I moved on, albeit with a scar.

This time I'm not sure how to handle it.  I'm absolutely petrified of this cut and the idea of once again closing it off is something that hurts so deep, that I am not sure if I can do it again.  On the other hand, how can I fix this cut with him still in the picture? With the love that I have inside working it's will telling me that he's The_One.  I feel that it will turn into a botched stitch job and will never close, I will continue to weep until one day it festers and I'm left completely alone and resentful.  Right now all I know is one way to handle it, Cut, Close.

Yes it hurts, yes it's harsh, but it's the only way I know I'll be able to love someone else.  Picturing The_One with anyone else (worse if it's someone I know) would kill what's left inside me. Knowing that I can't just hug, touch, kiss and be completely whole with ever hurts more than anything else imaginable. Cut, Close.

We all handle hurt differently and I still question whether there is a right or wrong way to handle it.  Cut, Stitch, Close works well in situations where there's a definitive close, where the healing process can continue as it needs and be taken care of.  Cut, Close works when there's no room for complication, it needs to be fixed and the pain can be dealt with on your own, yes there is a scar but it's a reminder of what you went through, to stop history repeating itself over and over again.  How many of you actually use stitches when dealing with your own hurt? Are you better off for it?  How many scars do you hide and can they be reopened?  Finally, does it still hurt?

Mik